So, where was God? : Confluential Subjects
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So, where was God?

by Posted Author on 12/17/12

By G. F. Smith

This particular Blog Post was going to be a two-fold entry: One, thanking everyone for a successful Book Give-away Drawing, and two, commenting on, and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. But then it happened: 

The senseless massacre of children at the Newtown, Conn. School… 

I wish I understood! I wish—pray—for a deeper understanding of why things like this happen; I always have. Tears are welling in my eyes as I write, and the life-long anger that has haunted me all my days—because of things like this—is exponential at this moment, I must say. My wife and I raised our own four children; my little grandchild, Liam, is crawling around my chair as I write this. I look at him, pick him up, and hold him tight, and all I can do is cry. I know what the parents are feeling…at least to some degree. (We’re praying for you all…) 

You know, I check out the news on a daily basis, in the morning, with a cup of coffee. Today was like the last few, after the announcement—a little more information, a little more anger to add to the bitterness of my umpteenth cup of coffee. 

Again, I wish I understood; I long to understand… 

However, I must admit that I don’t. It’s an irony, really, when one considers that I’m in the process of trying to launch my book series, which, as some of you know, culminates with a story about a terrorist group in the future called the QUALM, which overtakes and holds hostage a huge orphanage and begins taking the children’s lives because the world doesn’t go along with their demands.

I feel so bad, now. I knew this would happen with the formation of the concept over two years ago; people would think ill of me for writing it. I just didn’t think it would happen like this. Coincidence and timing in life is sometimes beyond bizarre. 

Humbly speaking my friends and Readers, the series is about trying to understand this life, and doing so from the inner perspectives of our questioning child—a child who on the one hand feels anger and resentment for life, and on the other, one who still longs for understanding and forgiveness and purpose. Subjected: the Series is—in its essence—about the apparent duality of our human and spiritual natures.

However, it is the end of the story that pulls it all together, and hence, I believe, affords us the understanding.  As an Author, and as a person, I must acknowledge this most basic of premises. As we all must, in the wake of this horrific tragedy.

Personally, I believe in God. And I believe he well knows the anger that I have because of things like what happened in Newtown, Connecticut. Yet, the victims of this tragedy, along with the rest of those who are completely incensed by it, are but a literal few in the billions that have endured things like this throughout humanity’s history.

Tragedies of this sort have been going on for thousands upon thousands of years, in one form or another. In fact the very poisonous anger that I feel now, towards that young man—as well as God, because of it—is undoubtedly the same ubiquitous anger that most likely drove Adam Lanza to strike out in the first place, against life, against the very innocence of childhood, and against God.

So, where was God? 

Why didn't He stop it? God? Why hasn't He stopped it all, all the bad? Why has He…allowed it to continue for so long? Why hasn't He fixed it all yet? Why did it all fall apart in the first place? I don’t know. Questions? Questions? 

I can’t give any of you any solace with whatever answers I might be able to usher up. All I can do is boldly share with you—in my writing, and my books—my various perspectives and positions of observation…along with my measure of faith.

Again, I wish to emphasize that I believe we must all recognize that the same anger and disillusionment that we feel because of this tragedy is, again, probably the same anger that fueled it in the first place, and has done so throughout history.

However, I have made a personal choice in my life…a choice to forgive God. I’ve gotten a lot of flack from others for that statement: “Who do I think I am?” “Where do I get off?” Sorry, no disrespect, but that’s how I feel.

I choose to forgive God—whatever he truly may be: Father, aloof friend, Brother, Higher-dimensional Being, old man with a beard, whatever… I choose to forgive God for all the oddly incongruous events and experiences that I (that we) have suffered, endured, and continue to humbly question as our lives progress toward our own dubious demises. But, that’s my choice.

And that’s the point; it all comes down to our Choices…

Forgiveness of others—of God—again in my opinion, and as hard as it might be to understand, much less apply, is the only remedy that I can see that will continue to turn the tide of humanity. I believe that God—whether literal, figurative, or however you want to think about it—along with us, must also endure the tragic suffering and loss of his children—as he did with his own begotten Son.

Jesus Christ was a historical figure; that is undeniable. He suffered and died, at the ignorant and angry hands of humankind, and it was with that strength and courage of forgiveness that he carried his own cross to his death. This is a fact of history. Because of his life—his sacrifice—I believe that Hethat God—knows what we are feeling. 

However you choose to believe, it is the rudiments of forgiveness that has changed the world and brought us up out of the animalistic nature that wars against us in our hearts and minds.

If Adam Lanza could have found forgiveness in his heart for whatever life had doled out to him, then, he may have never lashed out in such a dreadful and deadly manner. Likewise, if we don’t help others in the future know and understand the virtues of forgiveness, then what is to prevent other tragedies like this one from happening. 

Forgiveness is the Essence and Spirit of Christmas; I tend to think that a lot of people have forgotten that...and we mustn't! 

G. F. Smith

Comments (2)

1. Cynthia said on 12/20/12 - 10:05AM
This is such a good post, Gary. I think we have to begin with showing each other kindness, and yes forgiveness. That is how we teach it to each other. When I look at the photos of this young man, I can imagine his life was probably one of being shut out, perhaps even tormented by others. You can see it in his face. So sad. Sad for all concerned. Of course it doesn't begin to excuse what he has done, all the pain and grief he's caused. But, we do need to look for answers, if we don't wish to see this trend continue - and hard as it is, we must look to ourselves and our own actions, everyday. Wishing you and yours a peaceful holiday season.
2. Michael Willever said on 2/3/13 - 06:29PM
Black and White Our lives would be so simple If filmed in black and white. Like a pond without a ripple, No clouds to obscure the stars at night. To ever see, oh so clearly, The right of every cause. Decisions made not merely For the sake of men’s applause. Black and white, shades of gray, No color to confuse one’s way. Clearly defining the paths of light, Forever within our sight. Would happiness be quite so dear If all the evil did stand out? Without heartache, a pain, or a solemn tear Could we find anything to laugh about? No, we are better off in color, Seeing the beauty of this world. It is ours to slowly discover The good with the bad: pure wisdom’s pearl. ---Michael Willever


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